Ladies…can we just be honest for a second?
I think at one point or another, we’ve all liked a guy who hasn’t liked us in return, has liked one of our really good friends, or has liked someone we never would have guessed they would like. And let’s just get real, it sucks. The minute you realize he likes her or they “kinda have a thing,” your mind jumps to all of the reasons of why you don’t compare with the girl he chose over you.
There was a time in my life when I started to develop a crush on a guy who is all around one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. He loves Jesus with his whole heart, is passionate about the Kingdom and it’s people, and (bonus points) is really handsome. I thought maybe I could have a chance with him because well, if you grew up blessed with great friends and family, it’s normal for people to tell you there is no reason for someone not to like you. “Of course you’re pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough, funny enough, joyful enough, kind enough…,” they say. But on that day, when I found out that dreamy guy had feelings for someone else, my heart knew there was a truth no one was really brave enough to tell me, or is brave enough to tell anyone else for that matter. And I want you to live in freedom, in peace, and in truth. So, from one sister to another, the truth is… not everyone is going to like you. It doesn’t at all mean that you’re not likable, it just means that other people were created with different interests and tastes. Just because not everyone will have romantic feelings for you doesn’t mean something is wrong with you.
But that’s where I want to challenge you. You don’t compare with the girl that your crush likes because you weren’t meant to be compared with anyone. You’re an individual. A unique individual who was chosen and intricately designed by God. Maybe your eyebrows aren’t quite as full hers, or your skin isn’t as clear… maybe you thought you two were equally as pretty, just in different ways, and now you’re hurt because you didn’t realize you were comparing in the first place at all, and now you’re dealing with the repercussions of disappointment. But that’s where you need to run to God’s truth in His Word because His Word is truth. God’s Word doesn’t just tell you who you are, it shows you how much you are worth. It is a living and active love story, not only affirming your identity in the Lord, but transforming you to look more like Him. Of course you’re a catch. You’re a freaking Proverbs 31 woman for crying out loud. You’re gorgeous and your sense of humor is to die for. Maybe you take a little bit too long of showers, or you haven’t quite nailed down the discipline of putting your clothes away after you do laundry. Hey, none of us are perfect. But whether or not someone has feelings for you does not define your character or who you are as a person. Your identity, your worth, and the value of your heart and life comes from the Lover of your soul. And maybe you already knew that, but I think it’s something that we need to remember more often than not as humans.
You see, comparison is the thief of joy. So the next time you go to compare yourself with the girl sitting next to you or the girl that your crush is crushing on, before you let your thoughts about the way you look consume you, think about who God is and who He has created you to be. A masterpiece. Complete. Perfect, just the way you are. God doesn’t think He made a mistake in creating you, and I don’t think we should think that either. You’ll always be enough for someone who truly loves you like the Lord does because no one was created to complete you. Only the Lord is meant to complete you. With the Lord, you are a whole person, not lacking anything.
Now, please don’t think that I’m trying to downplay your pain. Because when the person you like doesn’t like you back, it’s painful. It hurts in all the places you didn’t think needed protecting. Truth doesn’t negate feelings. It doesn’t make your pain invalid or unimportant. But, we cannot let our feelings control us because our feelings are not the truth.
I want to leave you with this quote by John Piper that I live by.
“My feelings are not God. God is God. My feelings do not define truth. God’s Word defines truth. My feelings are echoes and responses to what my mind perceives. And sometimes–many times– my feelings are out of sync with the truth. When that happens–and it happens every day in some measure– I try not to bend the truth to justify my imperfect feelings, but rather, I plead with God: Purify my perceptions of your truth and transform my feelings so that they are in sync with the truth.”
The truth is, one day a man so in love with Jesus will seek you and pursue you and never stop pursuing you because you are completely and utterly worth it. He will think that there is no woman on earth more beautiful than you, and he won’t want to change a thing about you because he will look at you the same way the Lord does, with the eyes of grace, redemption, beauty, and love. So be patient and take heart. Because a man who will love you with an agape love is coming. And he will not pass you by.
words by Shannon Dunn and photo by Cate Willis