I have spent way too much of my life being driven by the fear of man. For so long, I have found an unrealistic sense of comfort in being afraid. Afraid of failing, afraid of what people will think, afraid of the unknown, and especially afraid of not living up to expectations that I have set for myself and that I feel like others have set for me. I found safety in being held back my fears. I was safe from failure and comparison. But by being found in fear I found myself held back from love. A perfect love that I knew would drive out my fear if I let it, but that came with a risk factor.
I can’t really pinpoint where or when it was, but I know that the fear I had was rooted in failure. I didn’t pass the test, I didn’t make the team, I didn’t get chosen for the play, and on and on. I tapped in to these things and convinced myself that because I wasn’t good enough for those things, I probably never would be for anything. There is always going to be someone else who is better, prettier, smarter, so why me? I had this idea that I had to be the best to be used by God. So the fear of never being good enough took over my life and held me back from everything. I cruised through life with the security of my comfort zone, never stepping out because that would be risky. I knew that risk is double sided. There are always two outcomes, but one of them is failure, and it just didn’t seem worth it.
So even if this was my story for my whole life, my new story is that I won’t. Forget that noise, I am completely done doing things that are rooted in fear because I’ve been met by a Love that will drive out all my fears if I let Him. It’s worth the risk to overcome the things that hinder us from walking out in the fullness of the plans that God has for us. When we overcome we gain our integrity back and there is so much freedom in choosing to be found and compelled by love. A perfect love that casts out all fear. A love that can reorder the things in front of us and allow us to view things with His Throne room perspective. Our only concern should be to please our Father, whose love is unconditional and unchanging. To live a life pleasing to Him is to live a life being compelled by love alone.
words by Kirsten Larson and photo by Megan Sauers