Ever since I came home from college for the summer, I have felt very “eh.” When you spend nine months with friends who are constantly building you up in Christ and just making your life wonderful in general, it’s incredibly difficult to be pulled away from that. Not only are we living in different cities, even different states, but some of us are away at camp all summer. It feels like we are worlds apart.
Coming home was… something. It was great, because I missed my family like crazy. But most of my friends are gone now, or at least more distant. I have a few close friends still, and they are endlessly wonderful, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same dynamic as senior year, and it’s definitely not the same as freshman year of college. The conversations are different, partially because we are all growing in different ways, in different places, at different speeds. It’s hard to relate to the people here.
I’ve always felt that my purpose in life is to pour into people. I have “adopted” little brothers and sisters into my family all throughout my life. In high school, I was able to consistently pour into those siblings and at the same time have people pouring into me. My friendships in college have been very similar to that. Now, being home without those friendships being close, I only have people to pour into. Other than my parents and a few close friends, I don’t have people pouring into me as consistently. All summer, I have felt drained.
In just a few weeks, I move into my dorm room for sophomore year. Obviously, I’m crazy excited. I’m excited to be constantly encouraged and pushed to grow. But for right now, I’m learning how to grow on my own. And that’s hard. One of the hardest things I’ve gone through in a while. So for these last weeks that I’m at home, I’m going to be seeking God more intentionally.
If you’re in a similar situation to me, I challenge you to do the same. Ultimately, God is the only one who will satisfy us. He is enough! We just have to be reminded of that. Take some time this week to experience God. That could mean something as routine as reading your Bible or praying, but it can also mean something different. You may be the type of person who experiences God through creating. If that’s you, create! Don’t let anything stop you from letting God speak to you and through you in that way.
Personally, I’m the type of person who sees God in smaller things. The little details. So for me, writing helps me so much. When I write my prayers, I am able to look back and see what God has given me that I might have forgotten about. Little things like asking God to give me a Monday with sunshine instead of rain would have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t written it down. Seeing how much God cares for me, even in those small things, gives me the chance to experience His love in such a massive way. Crazy how that works.
James 4:8 says, “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you…” I was reminded of this verse a few weeks ago, and ever since then I have felt so motivated to chase after Him. All I want is a close relationship with my Creator, and because of His grace, that is something that is so available to me. Even though, time and time again, I distance myself from His presence, He is always ready to welcome me back. God is so good.
words and photo by Lucy Boyland