This is actually something that God is still speaking to me about, and it’s still a process that is unfolding currently. You see, there is this huge tendency for me to try and figure out the ending of everything in advance. For instance, when I’m watching a movie, my natural inclination is to pull up the movie plot and skim through, reading the entire movie and figuring out the ending, before even getting into 10 minutes of the movie. When I have a new book, I’ll read the last page before I start reading the first chapter. And so it is with God…when a new and completely unfamiliar situation presents itself, my immediate reaction is, “God where is this all going? What’s the outcome of it all?”
I’m not one to fully see the beauty in process, however, that is the very thing that God has continuously been working in throughout my life. Quite recently there has been an incident where the uncertainty of the outcome has been driving me crazy. The situation is one where God blatantly said I would be continuously throwing myself into His arms, again and again. However, as I’ve embarked on this process, I’ve seen past wounds resurface and memories from experiences past begin to flash through my mind once more. This process has been painful because of all the digging that God has been doing within my heart. It’s one where I’m coming face to face with wounds and bitter experiences that I’ve worked so hard to bury deep within, hoping to never go through that same path and cycle again. Yet, here I am, face to face with these very things that I’ve tried so hard to do away with. In the midst of this, I’ve seen the way my heart has reacted out of instinct, which is falling into anxiety, worry and fear. Rather than throwing myself into His arms, I’ve let the enemy contort my fears so as to cloud my mind and heart from Truth. The past few weeks have been this constant warring of Truth versus my emotions. The Truth is: God loves me and His purposes and plans for me are always so good. He has promised good in this circumstance and He is writing a story of redemption for me. It’s not His nature to let me fall back into that deep pit. However, my emotions are screaming that this is all too familiar and these things will only lead me back into that same cycle of hurt, brokenness and utter confusion. The experiences that have painted such a distinct picture regards to what these situations lead to have so strongly bound me that the Truth of God was unable to overcome.
It wasn’t until today where I came to realize just how I’ve allowed my heart to be swayed by the lies and deception of the enemy. I was comfortable with the pain and anxiety, only because leaning more into my past experiences brought some comfort and a greater understanding of how things might unfold. In some twisted way, I had come to find comfort in the brokenness of my past, because it enabled me to make sense of the unfamiliar. However, God began speaking how His nature is not one to bring me anxiety and restlessness and in that moment I realized that I had not wholly asked Him what His desire and will was for me. As I began asking and posturing my heart to listen, He began speaking so powerfully:
Grace, my promise to you is this: This process is going to be SO good for you. Grace, know that if its not good, it’s not the end, because the ending I am writing for you is one of life and beauty. The ending won’t be one where you feel your heart has been torn to shreds and left in pieces. But I promise you that this process will lead to a fuller heart…one that is more whole, more healed and restored. Grace, come to find rest and assurance within my character and know that my heart is one that champions you, fights for you, covers you and loves you.
My will for you is that your heart will receive healing. My desire is for you to find wholeness and for you to be a fuller person. Grace, I am promising you restoration and redemption of things past.
Although you are seeking a particular answer, I want you to understand my heart for you, first and foremost. Know that I am for you, I am rooting for you and I am cheering you on constantly. I love you, my child.
I love you SO much and I want only good things for you.
My dear, if it’s not good, know it is not the end.
“If it’s not good, it’s not the end.”
In that instant, something just struck my heart like lightening. God’s nature and His character is GOOD. But, out of my own woundedness and my fears, I had let the lies of the enemy overwhelm this Truth. I was bound in fear because my wounds became louder than His voice. In that moment, I realized just how much deception the enemy was wrapping my heart with, blinding it to the Truth of His character. In the end, our surest foundation must be on the Truth of who He is. We find our greatest breakthrough as we cling to His goodness and faithfulness.
When we know His character, we find perfect peace. When we know His nature, we find our hearts at rest. And when we know His love, we surrender all control, because of His promise to us. His promise sustains us even though the storms of life do not clear up. His promise strengthens us, even though our circumstances seem to only worsen. His promise uplifts us and always enables us to see the silver lining around every dark cloud. The strength of His promise is not found in the fact that our problems instantaneously are resolved. Rather, the strength of His promise lies in how it provides our hearts shelter and peace in the midst of the storms of life.
His promise is simple and it always brings us hope, because…if it’s not good, it’s not the end.
words by Grace Chun and photo by Abby Melrose