I’ve been struggling to write this for weeks. My homework and other responsibilities keep piling up and piling up. My busy schedule has become an excuse for me not to spend time with God. Every morning I have been waking up and studying, rather than spending time with the Lord. I was a glass of water that kept pouring out without getting anything in return. I eventually became empty.
I knew in my heart that I needed to make time for God, but I didn’t do anything about it. I was stuck in my worldly ways. I was stuck sulking in my own pain.
Then, something happened. My school went on lockdown. For me, this had always been one of my biggest fears, one I never believed would come true. In a matter of seconds I went from stressing about school to being in full surrender, hands in the air stretched to the Lord. In a matter of seconds, I realized how insignificant everything in my life was next to God. Most importantly, I realized how far I had wandered from him. Each day I chose not to spend time with him and look to the world instead of him for help caught up with me. Even though everything at school ended up being okay, my heart would never be the same.
“ Set your minds on things above, not on Earthly things” (Colossians 3:2).
This verse stuck with me like glue. Having minds that desire satisfaction from the world is a very difficult thing to deal with as a believer. We have to be constantly shifting our Earthly desires to Heavenly desires.
We are prone to wander. We are prone to leave God, no matter how much we love him because the world doesn’t want us too! The world wants us to fall into temptation and turn our backs on the Lord. These desires beat us down so hard sometimes, that it becomes hard to stand up again. It becomes hard to open our bibles instead of our homework binders. It becomes hard to pray instead of just going to bed. It becomes hard to chose him next to the world.
It saddens me that it took such a crazy situation to make me acknowledge my wandering heart. If only I chased after him in the midst of my pain. Life would have been so much better. I would have had purpose to surpass my pain. My heart aches at the thought of not pursuing Jesus during that time, I cannot even comprehend how I got to the lowly place I did so quickly. I wandered so far. But he didn’t. He was with me the whole time even though I wasn’t looking to him. And when I finally turned back to him he was waiting with open arms. I found rest in him once again.
“ When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.” (Isaiah 43:2)
We don’t have to be alone. We don’t have to go through pain and storms alone. In fact, we aren’t supposed to. God is always there, no matter how far we wander. He is waiting for us! He never leaves! He is present always! He can handle our pain! He overcame the world! He is bigger than our mountains!
We are prone to wander. But he isn’t.
words by Samantha Burton and photo by Sarah Mohan