college & career, lifestyle

A Banner Entitled Trust.

I never thought I had a trust issue. I have never been one to jump to negative conclusions about people or activities. But when those closest to me repeatedly began telling me to trust them with even the smallest things, it hit me. I have a serious trust issue.

I did not want to admit it. I played it off as just anxieties that were from outlying factors. Afterall, why would I not trust the people that I loved most dearly? I know, it doesn’t make sense in my mind either. And it didn’t really start to click until I did some deep soul searching. This type of soul searching brought out some epic issues that I had been struggling with for a while but never actually dealt with.

I didn’t trust God. When it came down to the nitty-gritty, ever since I had become a Christian, I had lacked complete and utter dependence on Him. I gave almost everything to Him but withheld certain areas of my life because I didn’t trust that God could or would actually follow through.

My dreams, relationships, and future were off limits. As I assessed why those areas were in such a tight grip, I remembered all the times growing up where I felt God calling and leading me to certain dreams. Every time I would feel the strong urge to go and become what God wanted me to do, I was always met with a roadblock or the dreams were a flop. Over time of this happening again and again, I developed a deep seeded trust issue and bitterness towards God. I developed an attitude towards God that has created a wrenching issue in my other relationships with my fiancé, family, and friends.

So, now, not only did I realize that trust was a foreign topic for me, but also that I couldn’t handle the possibility of not being in control. Great, I thought to myself. Let me just add that to the ongoing list of my failures and shortcomings.

Ever felt that way? You go looking for one answer and find a thousand that you didn’t want to know. I feel ya, sister.

But the thing is, I made the decision to seek out the cause of the problem and God was just showing me the tip of the iceberg, and my first reaction was to feel down and out instead of encouraged that the Lord was revealing to me the sin areas in my life that needed to be worked on.

Satan has a real special way of getting us to shift our attention from God to ourselves. And let me tell ya, he fooled me for a long time, and I am just now starting to recover from the self-pity that kept me from truly repenting and fully surrendering my all to Christ.

Realizing my trust issue opened up a whole new can of worms of sin areas that needed to be corrected, that’s how that works generally. And yeah, the process of sanctification or becoming more like Christ hurts sometimes but it is so worth every hard moment.

Here are three simple ways I found to be very helpful in the process of letting go and trusting God. I hope they can help you too!

  1. Surrender yourself and all of your troubles to God (Go listen to Trust in You by Lauren Daigle)
  2. Stop Striving and Start Abiding (Psalm 46:8)
  3. Be Still and Know (Exodus 14:13-14)

“May peace flow like a river through the very depths of your being. May joy rise within you like the morning sun. May strength awaken your heart and sturdy your steps. And may faith swallow up your every fear. God is with you at the break of day. He will not fail you. Though darkness and fear and weakness threaten to overtake you, they will not, they cannot, because you belong to Jesus. He is your stronghold, your high tower, your deliverer, and your defender. He heals, reveals, corrects, and redirects. He’s your very good shepherd and will lead you safely through the storm. Trust Him with your whole heart today.” — Susie Larson

words by Joy Johnston and photo by Leah Van Otterloo


Just a girl seeking to spread the love and light of my sweet, sweet Jesus. Within myself, I hold the desire to see Christian women make the eighteen-inch journey from head to heart; to be cautious to the tender whispers of our Father, and become movers and doers of the Word. As a senior at Western Carolina University, every day I see uneasiness and weariness behind the eyes of so many. The goal for my writing is to gently but boldly urge women to realize that Jesus yearns to be their shoulder to lean on and ultimately quench a dry, overburdened life. As a lover of the color forest green, my passions include, leading worship at Biltmore Church, hiking in the beloved Appalachian Mountains, photographing the adventure of life, and writing songs that touch the deep places of souls.

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