“Okay, what’s next?” A question I seem to ask God often. Can anyone else relate?
I chalk up this constant question to how much of a dreamer I am.
Lately, I have been wanting to wish away my dreamer personality. Being a dreamer causes me to have high hopes and unrealistic expectations. And, being a dreamer leads to spurts of nostalgia and sentimentality—causing me to see through rose-colored lenses.
Because I am a dreamer, I am often told that I am impractical and that my desires are impossible.
I’m almost afraid to ask, “Okay, what’s next?” anymore.
This past December, I married my best friend in the whole world. And, that in itself was a dream come true. God has provided for us time and time again with a place to live, which costs us near to none, and with people who would drop anything to lend a hand. Yet, I still want something bigger.
I dream of my husband and I being called elsewhere, where we can make an impact on those who are not familiar with Jesus. I dream of using my degree in an unconventional way to reach minority groups. I dream of us living in a place where we absolutely cannot live a safe and complacent life. But, I am so afraid to bring these dreams to the throne room of God.
Instead of presenting my desires to Jesus, I hold onto them, in fear that they’re just as impractical and impossible as I’ve been told that they are. Instead, I’ll take my desires with me to Starbucks, as James Vincent McMorrow plays in my ears, to pretend that I’m smack dab in the middle of a big city with very important tasks to accomplish. My dreams and desires have become my own secret world for which I can never physically reach.
I have stalled in asking “Okay, what’s next?”
I want to believe that when I bring my desires to Christ, I can trust Him with my big ideas. I want to believe that the Father has crafted beautiful plans for my marriage. I want to believe that as I close my eyes and dream of another place, that God is molding my desires to match His own. Most of all, I want to believe that I can pray prayers as big as my dreams.
For any of you who can relate, I want you to know that you are not alone. If you feel like you haven’t come to any kind of resolution, either, you are so not the only one.
This vulnerable post does not include a finale but rather a start in discovering and learning about how to prayerfully approach our Dad with my heart’s dreams and desires. I pray that any of you who relate can also begin trusting God with the “What’s next?”
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)
words by Kayla Scott and photo by Sara Beth Pritchard